Women and self esteem!

Good Day Family and Friends, Glory be the name of the Lord! I want to discuss the ladies in our lives…The Rocks, The Pillars the comforters and the supporters. These woman who have nurtured us and held us when we felt less than honorable. These woman who brought us to the Lord and prayed for us when we where in harm’s way. Our mothers, daughters, sisters and wives….our Girl friends, friends and partners…this Day we support them in understanding how much they mean to us and how much they should mean….to themselves…..Women’s self esteem…….let’s get to it..

Defender of The Faith…Women and self esteem

Ok ladies…1st….I want to publicly state on record and ask for forgiveness for any action I may have taken, past and present that assisted in the diminishing of any woman’s self esteem or self worth, I’m sorry, please forgive me, this coming from a true Gospel Commando and otherwise Man’s Man…but one who was raised by some powerful Men and absolutely outstanding and Powerful loving and caring women…I care about you…and write this for you, from me, inspired through me by God.

The question…What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem….ok here we go….

Why is that? Why do so many basically dislike yourselves? Why are you embarrassed to “esteem” yourselves?

Before answering this question, we must first define self-esteem. Self esteem comes from the inside out. It means that a woman is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she’s fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. She wants to share them with others. This does not mean she is conceited. She is also aware of areas needing work and growth. But that’s ok, because she knows she’s not perfect, and she doesn’t have to be. No one is. She understands that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our (Both Men and Women) ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside out. But it is assaulted or stunted from the outside in. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from the culture and/or relationships and or from MEN……with low self-esteem! (That’s another sermon) coming soon…..

The reign of youth, beauty and thinness in our society dooms every woman to eventual failure. Women’s magazines, starting with the teenage market, program them to focus all their efforts on their appearance. Many girls learn, by age 12, to drop formerly enjoyable activities in favor of the beauty treadmill leading to nowhere. They become fanatical about diets. They munch, like rabbits, on leaves without salad dressing, jog in ice storms, and swear they love it!

Ads abound for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to “repair” our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. Yet with all this effort, they still never feel like they are good enough. How can they? Magazine models are airbrushed to perfection, and anorexic. “Beautiful” movie stars are whipped into perfect shape by personal trainers, and use surgery to create an unnatural cultural ideal.

But youth cannot last. It is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then the best an older woman can strive for is looking “good for her age” or worse yet, “well preserved”. Mummies are well preserved. Mummies are also dead. Abusive experiences join with cultural messages to assault female self esteem. Abuse is pervasive and cuts across all socioeconomic lines. It invariably sends the message that the victim is worthless.

Many, many women have told me that verbal abuse has hurt them far MORE than any physical act. As one woman put it, “his words scarred my soul, hurt my heart and permanently damaged me…”. Women whose abuse started as children have the most fragile sense of identity and self worth. Poor self esteem often results in depression and anxiety. Physical health suffers as well. Many times, women with this problem don’t go for regular checkups, exercise, or take personal days because they really don’t think they’re worth the time.

Relationships are impacted as well. Their needs are not met by their partner because they feel like they don’t deserve to have them met, or are uncomfortable asking. Their relationships with children can suffer if they are unable to discipline effectively, set limits, or demand the respect they deserve. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from mother to daughter.The mother is modeling what a woman is. She is also modeling, for her sons, what a wife is.

In the workplace, women with low self-esteem tend to be self-depreciating, to minimize their accomplishments, or let others take credit for their work. They never move up. STOP THIS NOW!!!!!

Finally, with friends, they are unable to say no. They end up doing favors they don’t want to do, or have any time for. They end up going where they don’t want to go, with people they don’t want to go with! A woman with low self-esteem has no control over her life. But that can change.

These women can get help and emotional healing. It is criticial to remember that no one deserves to be abused. If something bad has happened to you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you.

If you are presently being abused, you must put yours and your children’s safety first!!!!! Hear me….I can’t count the number of times I have been called to help, assist and or hem up a crazy husband, boyfriend, classmate etc… If you think you are in danger, you can call your local domestic violence hotline number or 911.. You can choose your own identity. You can discard the popular cultural image and replace it with something real.

As I read someplace once, “We are bound by our fate only as long as we accept the values that determine it.” Nobody is perfect, but everyone is worthwile. Believe in yourself.

Characteristics of Low Self-Esteem a good read:

The attitudes that dwell within the mind frequently are reflected in the conduct of a person. An inspired writer affirmed that, as one “thinks within himself, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Jesus himself taught that the state of one’s mind is the fountain of his activity. “For from within, out of the heart of men, evil thoughts proceed” (Mark 7:21). If an individual harbors an unhealthy view of himself, such can be manifested in a variety of distressing ways.

Substance Abuse
It is no secret that many who are suffering from esteem problems have become victims of substance abuse. Self-depreciation has driven some to immerse their woes in alcohol, hard drugs, or a daily pill-popping routine. Drugs are so deceptive; they promise much but deliver nothing—except carnage. Drug abuse is one of the major problems of our nation, much of which stems from a self-perceived lack of worth and a void of purpose for human existence. Other forms of aberrant behavior also follow in the wake of unhealthy personal attitudes.

Sexual Promiscuity
A professional counselor recently dropped by my office for a friendly chat. As we discussed the many problems that seem to rob modern society of reasonable mental health, the conversation turned to the phenomenon of accelerated sexual promiscuity among the nation’s citizenry. The counselor confidently affirmed that many youngsters are growing up with no sense of personal value.
In thousands of instances, children have been neglected and feel quite worthless. Many are casualties of broken homes. Others suffer because their parents are materialistic and so busy working long hours, and at multiple jobs (in order to have more “things”), that they do not have the time to give their children the loving care they so desperately need and want.
Accordingly, many young folks, starving for affection, surrender themselves (without reservation) to anyone who is there to provide a warm hug and an understanding heart. And the fact is, what is true for youngsters also is the case for many adults as well. A lack of personal esteem is a prime cause of sexual immorality. Sexual compromise itself then frequently produces additional humiliation. It thus becomes a vicious circle.

A Critical Spirit
A damaged self-view can result in a haughty or critical demeanor. There are two ways some people deal with their diminutive self-image. They may elevate themselves above others artificially. Or, they may attempt to cut down their associates. The net result is the same. The perpetrator is always focusing, irrationally, to end up above her peers.
For instance, a lack of self-esteem sometimes is reflected in a person’s exaggeration of her accomplishments. A constant tendency to boast of one’s abilities—even to the point of lying about achievements—is a red-flag signal. “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth” (Proverbs 27:2). Correspondingly, the tendency to work continually at tearing down others tells more about the character assassin than anything else. An emotionally-healthy person has no need to feed his ego at the expense of others.

Materialism
A poor self-image sometimes manifests itself in materialism. Some folks feel that if they can surround themselves with an abundance of nice things, it will overcome the feeling of insecurity that seems ever to be with them. We are not suggesting that hard-working people cannot enjoy a quality life as good stewards of the manifold blessings of God. What we are saying is this: the accumulation of material things will not provide the sense of genuine well-being for which each of us longs. Feeling good about oneself, and feeling good about possessions, are entirely different matters.

God’s Unspeakable Gift
A second fact that breathtakingly crowns human beings with a wonderful feeling of value is the fact that God bestowed his Son as a gracious, free gift, so that every accountable person has the potential for redemption. All that is necessary to achieve such is to surrender to the Lord’s will (Hebrews 5:8-9).
That mankind has strayed from the Creator, and become so flawed religiously and morally, is an indisputable fact. If humanity were reprised according to what it deserves, eternal separation from Jehovah (a horror unimaginable) would be its dismal lot. The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). There is, however, a way of escape (Hebrews 2:3-4).
Throughout the New Testament, there are repeated affirmations of the universal love of God for fallen man. God so loved the world that he gave his only Son in order to initiate a system of forgiveness (see John 3:16). The Lord would have all men to be saved by means of coming to a knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:4).
Hear the testimony of John the apostle:
Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the children of God; and such we are (1 John 3:1).
Do we really realize the value of this offer of a child-to-Father relationship with God, as a consequence of Christ’s mission (see Galatians 4:4-5)? Again:
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:10).

Conclusion
Our hearts truly go out to those who labor under the burden of a diminished self-image. I am not suggesting that the healing of such will be easy or immediate. However, I confidently can offer the promise that the solution to such an impoverished disposition does lie with the pages of Holy Scripture. Pour over the Sacred Writings and imbibe the messages of joy and hope found therein. It can be a life-changing experience. We Love You!!!!!! Stand Tall, Beautiful you are! To many of us you have been our Rocks and Pillars upon which we stand; you took us to football practice, soccer, baseball, you were there at every play in school and when we fell down…..you picked us up. We love you, and just want you to love yourself as we do….and regardless, the Lord always will. Smile today ladies and know……Your light shineth through even when it seems dark and blue…We love you:)

Rev. Gerald F. Poe Jr.
Defender of the Faith